"Shh! Just stay in there." I whispered to the empty closet, full of children's toys. "It will be okay." I look towards the wooden white doors with horror locked behind my eyes.
I remember a night long ago, when the only choice I had was to go in there, stay in that cramped and dirty hole for what felt like days. Dad was on one of his binges and Mom had nothing to do but wait it out.
"Ava, dearie, come here." As Dad slurred my name and beckoned me closer, I noticed a change. What I remember most was his eyes. His eyes were glossy and distant, they weren't his eyes. They were the eyes of someone else. Who is this man? I thought. This is not my father. This is a Monster.
He went to he bathroom and Mom told me to run, to hide. She must have seen the same look that I did. So I ran, I hid. And I stayed. I heard them argue. At 5 years old, I didn't care what they were saying. "Where is she?!?" He would yell. "How dare you? She is MINE!" It seemed like such a silly argument but there was something wrong. Something was different. I heard my mother tell him I went to a friends house. But she lied. I didn't. I stayed and I hid from the monster inside the man.
"Ava. Ava!" He started to call my name. I was sure he knew I was here. But then I heard my mother answer. Were they playing pretend? Was I supposed to be Mom? I don't think it is time for me to leave my barbie dolls and lego men all alone with the Monster.
After a little while, I heard my door open. Was it Mom? Telling me I would be okay? I could come out now?
It wasn't. It was both Mom and Monster playing pretend still. I kept my eyes closed. I held my breath. I didn't like the game they were playing. I heard my mother's screams and the monster's huffs and puffs. I found a teddy bear, hiding in my closet with me and I covered his eyes. I prayed he'd hold his breath. Their game went on for forever and I just sat there in the dark, locked away in a closet, praying the monster didn't ever find out. This wasn't a game I wanted to play.
As the minutes ticked on, my mother and the monster left the room. I stayed. My breath was shaking, I let the grip go on my legs as I felt a wave of relief and a crash of silent tears streaming down my face. Maybe their game was over now? But I wouldn't tempt it. I will just sit here and wait around the friends that I have, hidden far away from the Monster.
As I covered myself in a blanket of toys and held my teddy bear close to my heart. I started drifting to sleep with one thought. Aren't monsters the ones that hide in the closet?
No comments:
Post a Comment