Entitled Position #beginrant

I am a newly college graduate. I should believe that my professors were put on this planet to be manipulated into giving me better grades, that going to class and writing papers is the hardest job in the ENTIRE world, that it is impossible to work and go to school and of course that the day I get my degree, I will have a 100k job awaiting me at my door like one of those giant million dollar checks.

Why Thank You I do deserve this check for my obvious importance in the universe

I guess I am still waiting for my check. But this mindset never really hit me. It might be because I have worked at least one job (And up to 3) since I was 16.  I know that the economy is awful and that throughout my vast education I have been lied to beyond my wildest dreams. I know that I have to work my butt off to survive in this world and I know I have to take the low positions just as well as reaching for the high ones. I know college doesn't mean my life will be easier and I know my 20 thousand dollars worth of debt is just another gash this country wants to take from me.

But here, I guess, is the biggest difference, I know my "party" years in college, where classes came mostly easy and drinking was discovered the only escape, doesn't mean the world should be handed to me and it doesn't mean a job should be either.
Out of all those college graduates I know, I am amazed at how many think that their party years through college should guarantee them a job with good money.

I don't think anyone has ever told them otherwise. For some reason they don't know that they still get to be the low man on the totem pole and they still get stuck taking the coffee orders for their superiors. You have to suck up and kiss butt for a few more years and hope that somewhere along the lines throughout those college years, where you lost valuable braincells, you remembered at least how to follow directions.

I don't expect a job to be handed to me. And I am not asking to make 100k this coming year. I'll be happy making 20k and having enough time to stop stressing out so much. I'll be THRILLED making 30k (which is more than I've made in a year so far.) I don't need money to survive. I need a job I love. That's why I picked teaching. That's why I push myself and that's why I don't mind being the coffee slave for a few years. In the end, my hard work and intelligence will pay off, not the piece of paper that says I am a college graduate and should be awarded the million dollar check.

Bringing a Third Dimension to Life

So many people ask, "What is the meaning of life?" That's what people want to know. They want the answer handed over, chewed up and perfectly awarded to them. What if life isn't about the answers? What if, instead, it is about the questions you are supposed to ask, the lessons you are supposed to learn and the dedication you are supposed to feel. Life should be about the growing. As an individual you should grow every day. As a culture we should be succeeding. We study and study to find ANSWERS to questions that have been given to us. But when do we get the chance to ask our own?

I ask mine daily. I think I am a positive person because I ask the questions that matter to me. I ask the questions I need to answer and even the ones I am scared to. But I guess what I am trying to say, is that its never really about the answers that I get from those questions. Just that I can continue to ask more.

I want to grow every minute of every day and be more than just another paper cutout of the person I could be. I want to be the person I want to be. Every decision I make, I try to reflect that. I wish I could teach that. I wish I could teach how to question, what to question and what to learn. I wish I could help people step out of that 2D vision that they have for themselves and realize that they too, can become more, to become better.

Helping has always been my passion, teaching has always been my passion. One day I want to teach past the political answers that the world currently thinks we need to learn. I want to hit home the power of individual thought and answers to questions you didn't even know you could ask. To teach them to stop living on the paper plain of their life and jump off of it and take root on the third dimension.

I guess what I really want, is to help people help themselves. Because that's the only way they will ever really learn anyway.

The Deafening Silence

Pain isn't just a fist to the face.
It isn't always sharp words to the heart.
Or broken promises and lies.
Sometimes it is no words at all
That can hurt the most.

That silence can get so loud,
So unbearable that you can
Feel as it screams at an untouchable
Pitch and you can feel it
Deafen all your other senses.
Until all you know,
And all you will ever know is that
Silence.

Tramp's Second Tail

-------------------The blurp about the story---------------------

A horrible thing has started
              to happen! The wonderful world
                                          of Once Upon a Time has--

It seems that someone
     Is ripping the pages out
         Like a tornado rips up homes
               With no cares about the memories stored there.
                        Then whoever the sick person in is gluing a new
                                Story to every few pages. The characters are getting
                                                lost on impact! And some stories just come to an


The Wizard of Oz seemed to be the last of its kind. It was the only one not dreadfully befuddled.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so it begins...

It all started with dear, old Dorothy and Once Upon a Time. When she was around her Kansas home, Dorothy and her pet dog, Toto, were out walking around the farms. The farms were dull in color with sepia browns and jaded greens. It was as if the entire scenery was nothing more than a faded picture of a long ago memory.

All of a sudden, as Dorothy hummed and Toto sniffed the ground, the sky darkened like a candle going out and the wind picked up speed as it whistled through the trees. Dorothy became startled. She ran toward her home. Hoping her Auntie Em and Uncle Henry would find a way to save her from the maddening darkness.

Toto looked around, noticing as the wind stopped howling and the sky lightened for an instant that something was amiss. His barking became the only sound as the birds fluttered East and the crickets deadened their already muffled chirps.

Toto ran.
     Toward Dorothy
            And their farm
                   To his family.
                          As the tornado grew
                                 Closer to his house
                                          Toto ran towards....

A Gingerbread Man?

Toto opened his eyes wide in fright as he continued to run knowing no idea what was in store. Where had Dorothy's screams gone? Where was the land of Munchkins and Lollipops? This wasn't the story with the normal twists. And what was it that he was smelling. The scent smelled like Auntie Em's homemade cooking around Christmas time but sweeter, softer, larger. 

As the Gingerbread Man ran passed him, the smell illuminated every sense of Toto's being and he did what any hungry dog would do. He chased him. He ran past the butcher, past the baker as he smacked his lips with anticipation of the aromatic sugars of the little man. He couldn't wait to sink his teeth into the smells he'd savor. 

Toto was gaining on the Gingerbread Man. 

      Toto opened his mouth, 

            His bark finally close enough to bite. 

                   The little man skittishly laughed 

                          And screamed yet again 

                               "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME I'M THE--"

"Big Bad Wolf!"

Toto sunk his teeth into the Wolf! "What happened to my fast, little cookie?" Toto gulped as he thought about the taste in his mouth. "What happened to the candied icing and cinnamon flavor as it wafted to my nose!" Toto looked up at the Wolf with his tail between his legs and his heart racing a mile a minute. 

The Wolf looked furious and downright ferocious. Toto did what any dog would do in the face of danger. He ran the opposite direction! He was afraid of becoming a delicious snack himself! Toto became the one running as fast as he could. 

He dashed past the three blind mice searching

    For fallen cheese and past the crazy chicken screaming 

           About some falling sky under an acorn tree. Just when 

                 He seemed to have outran the Wolf, he saw the true problem 

                       He was facing. The page he was on became a wall of words 

                             Being torn out of the story! "This was it!" Toto thought. 

                                    "I am going to leave the story, like Dorothy getting abandoned, 

                                          And that sweet dessert getting away from me!" 

                                                 The page loomed closer... 

Toto stood still, held his breath and jumped!

Into the next story...

    Landing, on a chair

        Next to an italian restaurant 

            With a gorgeous brown dog

                  Across the checkerboard table

                      Eating spaghetti with meatballs

                          Waiting for him to dive in.

                               He rolled a meatball over to 

                                    Her with his nose. She shyly smiled.

"Ah..." Toto sighed. "There is no place like home."

This Time of Year Can Make You F.A.L.L.

It's in the air.

As the leaves turn to 

burgundy and the

weather steals a chill.

It's around us,

--growing us,

--giving us

 a chance at wonder

as the sun chases

the cotton clouds.

It's in the sky

our feelings are heightened,

our senses like fireworks

at the touch of our

fingertips through the 

crunch of newly fallen 

leaves.

It's a part of us,

--encourages us,

--makes us

feel more in each breath

than we could our 

whole lives.

It's on the ground.

In the earth, throughout the soil.

We feel the heartbeat of

the world as our own beats

with another.

We hear as the whispers around 

the planet creates us,

--changes us,

--moves us

in every aspect of the 

ever-changing season

The Art of Flying

It was left in the rain.
The purple color faed, the chapters
smudged and the soggy pages cried.
It was stuck on the sidewalk,
abandoned in a rectangular prison
that held penguins and dolphins trapped on each
page. The book, alone and frightened, as the
sidewalk was a scary place where
harmful people trampled with no one
looking downward.

It wasn't long before the papers
lost hope. Knowing they'd never
fall to deaf ears. Understanding they
wouldn't be the smart source for readers
to find. Perceiving that its soft pages would never
again find the enjoyment of a soul and
the laughter of the child finding it all too handy.
The book was alone in a big, dark and soaked
world where no one watched where
they were walking.

One day, the rain stopped.
The sun shone and
the pages began to dry their tears. The book
exhaled from the heat. The sidewalk
no longer seemed so
scary. Then a weird thing happened.
Right as the
     chapters softened,
         the pages, one by one,
                     floated
                            toward the sky.
                                                                               upward,
Blowing in the wind. The colorful pages moved             since no one bothered
                                                                                                                            looking down.

Fields of Opportunity

You are open.
Free.
With the wind
in your blades
and the melody of the birds
always around you.
Your fingers are home
to the animals of tomorrow
that know nothing more than the
sweet taste of serenity.

Don't be the rip-

The roar.

With metal daggers

in your air

and the clanking of footsteps

on top of you.

Your desires can sprawl

to the beings of pain

that know nothing more than the 

limited feel of animosity.

Refuse to be as confined as a sidewalk

When you can be a field of opportunity.

Where the Ground Meets the Sky

There are two types of 

leaders in the world. Those 

that look at the sky 

and say, 

"We can get there" and those 

that look at the ground 

and say, "We can 

build from here." 

...Which one are you?

Longing to Fly

She stared at the window, 

longingly knowing that freedom 

was beyond the forcefield. 

Wanting to know what freedom 

felt like against her silvery wings. 

What the sun's calling heat felt like

on her beak.

The window left cracked--

she pulled herself up and 

nudged her feathers out. 

trying to move like the world did: 

effortlessly and beautiful

she fluttered and flapped

...uselessly.

She stared up at the forcefield

of torture and longing dreams.

The home had paralyzed her.

Her efforts were shallow. Her 

bravery was halted. She hoped 

to fly, to mend, to live without 

clipped wings.

Open Waters: Dare to Try Again?

They threw me in the ocean as
I gasped for a breath, I lost myself
In the blue waters. Up--Down--Left
No way led to salvation.
It was float or swim
And I sank.

Down at the bottom
It didn't matter what I found.
Because I knew which way
Was up. So I took the seaweed
And the bubbles I could find.
Constructing a raft.
And I swam.

Up to the succulent air
Reaching it, I threw my head back
Focused my eyes, envisioned my
Success. And drew my first
Breath. I felt rejuvenated
Unconquerably defiant
And I floated.

Around in the wind
Until they stole my raft
Yet again crashing me into the waves.
Laughing as they turn my hands to
Bricks and my heart to stone.
And watched as I sank.

What I have learned from the Magic of Harry Potter

I don't want to lose that part of myself that still believes life is magical.

Here is what I have learned in the last 14 years thanks to and through Harry Potter

"It is our choices, Harry, that show us who we truly are, far more than our abilities." 

"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." 

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." 

"It takes much bravery to stand up to our enemies but we need as much bravery to stand up to our friends." 

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default." 

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" 

"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be." 

"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." 

"The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should be treated with caution."

"Harry was left to ponder in silence the depths to which girls would sink to get revenge." 

Every Life Lesson I Have Faced... Harry Faced As Well. 

No More Magic

   

"It is our choices, Harry, that show us who we truly are, far more than our abilities." 

I hate to admit it. I walked out of Harry Potter. Sad... I swear this isn't a spoiler. It is more so the fact that, that was the end of my childhood. The end of a large portion of my life. 

I'd love to say it had no effect on me. And that I didn't watch it or did watch it because it was cool at the time. 

I have always been a Harry Potter fan. Since I was 8 years old. Since I read the very first book in 3rd grade with Mrs. Funk. And I was hooked, magic in the hands of the young and the young at heart. 

I waited for every book to come out. I have seen every movie the day it came out. I have dragged my father, my uncle, my sister, my friends. Anyone and everyone I could to experience the magic that I felt. A magic that I have lived with for 14 years.

14 years later... I guess we've all grown up. I own every book and I have seen every movie. I have scrutinized and looked forward to every step of my Harry Potter journey. I grew, I molded, I became something with Harry. Those characters were my friends, my enemies, and myself.

Am I ready to move on? To leave my childhood behind? I hate to see it end. I want the magic to last forever. 

I don't want to lose that side of me and replace it with this void of lost magic and unimaginable adventure. 

I don't want to lose that part of myself that still believes life is magical.

S.Z.'s

These monsters exist everywhere. They grudgingly lurk behind windows and television screens. They can be found roaming the streets and through the schools. They can be found around corners... waiting... to pounce. 

        They are... Superficial Zombies.

S.Z’s are the people that are only out for themselves but don’t even know what they want. They live in this materialistic superficial bubble. They haven’t figured out how to reflect on themselves but they know that they are the only ones that matter. 
     It amazes me that roaming around the world there are plenty of superficial zombies. Just waiting for the world to acknowledge that it exists for them and everyone should bow down. 
     But they are zombies. They have no thought process other than that of material wealth and their looks. They only care about what people see, instead of who they are. They are dead... to the world of the living and they walk around sucking the life out of all of those they touch.

My goal as a teacher, as a friend, as a person is to pull these S.Z’s out of that trance and bring them into a world that can enlighten them into new realms and bring them into new beginnings. My goal is to bring them past the realm of not possible, shallowness, and materialism. And into the realm of reality.

I want S.Z.’s to improve on a level that they didn’t know could exist and give them the questions that they can form their own answers. I want to arm them with the power... of reflection. 

Play Your Heart Out

You can't strive to be significant
If you aren't willing to see blood, sweat and tears
You won't play hard enough
or dive into the depths of your affairs.

You can attend to your immaculate play-by-plays.
But there is no single gameplan for love.
There are hundreds-- thousands.

"Love is For After The Game"

And NOT ONE of them compels a win.

So continue to take heed to the plans for attack
Your strategies of defense
And even your fraudulent flags of surrender
No one can successfully predict the end of every season

None are a promise of a game,
an oath for completion, or a contract for a ring.
So stop planning for the endgame of "Happily Ever After."
Instead, give yourself completely to the game.

Forget nothing, cherish everything
And play your heart out.
Because that feeling--
is the only guarantee for greatness you have.

Fiz Out? I don't know the name yet.

New blog coming soon. The Breakdown of... (cue the lonely girl song) 

an Education Girl Living in a Business World.

Why You Might Be Single: The Best Practice Share of the Business World

Last week a friend of mine and I went to get frozen yogurt and ended up fixing the world. 

Call me a sucker for what I read and maybe I just bought every word on the page, but I truly think I figured out how to fix (almost) every single, single friend I know, the business world AND the education world. 

Crazy right?

Well that’s just the day we were having. I will save you the boring saga on the business and education world for now. Since, lets be honest, thats not the part you want to read.

Do you want to know why you, your friends and like everyone you know is single? Its easy really. They don’t know themselves. They don’t take the time and analyze themselves like the rest of the world does.

Now I am going to gear this towards gentlemen, because lets be honest. 90% of who i talk to are guys and I feel it will better point out my thoughts on this one. 

So lets think about it. What do girls do? They think, they digest it, throw it up, eat it again. Then they rewind it and think about it for the billionth time again. They break out every single thought into a web of crazy design just to TRY to figure out what you think.  But it works for them (or they normally assume). If not, they go back to the root of the problem and web out their thoughts again. 

An example: 

Why do guys play guitar?

Well there are normally 3 options. 

1)They genuinely like music. Normally you can see a connection with the songs they listen to, the thoughts they have, the things they remember, maybe their father played, their hero was in a band. etc.

2) They just want something. They see this as their ticket in. Their friend taught them how to play a song or two and they just kept it going to keep themselves in the game. Girls will pick this up. They realize that you don't really know what you are doing, or you only know one song. They will see that you listen to rap, play rock and sing country. None of it will make sense except for your handsome eyelashes and the fact your muscles show off when you play.

3) They are romantic. They normally look like a fool and are trying to impress you. They want to show that they care and aren't great at finding the words. They learn your favorite song and its the only one they really know how to play. (Other than mary had a little lamb) 

So if you have a guy figured out enough (or close enough) you can rightfully assume their reason through your intricate web of designs. And girls do this all the time. 

The difference is that the guys don’t. “Why do you play guitar?” “Because." "Because I do.” “Because I want to”. None of that is who they are, it is just what they do. They are defined by their actions. Girls then define them by their reasons. 

Girls don’t fall for the actions. Actions change. Actions can be spun into the wrong webs. 

They care about the reason. Because the reason is a part of who you are. It is what you stand true to. It is your values, your beliefs and your morals and everything you do can be determined by it (assuming you attemped to listen to your own reasons either consciously or subconsciously)

So how can a guy get more girls that last? Figure out his own reasons. Self reflect on what makes himself tick exactly how he does. The more you know about yourself the more you can gear your actions to your reasons and help you get a girl and keep her.

There Are Plenty More Fish in the Sea

 

Most people feel a need for love. They believe if they even get a nip on the end of their fishing line, they need to reel in, quick. They are insecure with their own skills and need the help of the proof. "If I catch one... I am OBVIOUSLY good enough." They need to physically see the fish on the end of their hook.
But how many fast, little fish do they need to catch before they realize that they know how to fish? At some point they will feel that nip and realize that they want to see whats farther, what can be deeper and what can really satisfy their fishing cravings. They have heard the stories, after all, about the fisherman down in California who caught the biggest salmon ever or the largest catfish in Thailand, while all they are catching are baby blue gills. And they want it. They want to feel the satisfaction of knowing they can handle it. That they are experienced enough to pull it off.
So they research into what bobs to use and what hooks work best. They look into the different fishing lines and fishing hooks to best meet their needs.  Fishing becomes more about their talents than it does about their luck in the waters.

And thats the difference. In relationships there are two kinds of fisherman. The ones that sit and wait to get lucky. The ones that view the other person as a way to feel completed. They need the proof. They need the first thing they touch and they clench onto it.
Then there are the fishermen that know they will get the big one. They are patient enough to sit there knowing they have something to give to this process. They have researched what works and what doesn't. How to  act and how to be themselves. They are confident in who they are and what they want. And those are the fishermen that strive.

I wrote a thought a few weeks back that I wanted to look into. "Maybe the only way of holding onto a relationship was holding off."

It is an interesting theory to say the least. That "holding back" from someone in all aspects of the terms means that you will be stronger in the end. That maybe in the world where we rush in and out of stores; money in and out of bank accounts; and friends in and out of our lives, we need to take the time and slow down for something (and someone) meaningful. 

Maybe the reason everyone dates so young is because they expect their relationship to give them meaning. (Much like the first fisherman.) They don't believe in themselves, so they need someone else to. 

But to really love, is to love yourself. What you do and how you do it. It is a matter of knowing what you want and knowing why. To do this, you need to back off sometimes. You need to research. You need time for yourself and what you believe in.

Because there are a lot of fish out in the sea. But aren't you sick of looking for blue gills? Don't you want the best ones for yourself?

Do You Really Need That Cup?

"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after."

Most days I feel like people are letting the wrong kind of coffee seep through them. I don't know if you people watch, but since I lived in the city the last couple of years, I've learned how to entertain myself in a place where I am always surrounded. My favorite was to gaze out the fingerprint-y window as I listened to the conversations around me. There were always conversations. Albeit, some were one sided phone conversations, as a by-passer I heard it all. 


"Oh My God! Did you hear what I heard Deanna say last night?"
"I know! How dumb!"


"So I just wanted to call you and let you know that I had the worst day at work today..."


"I just don't understand why Thomas has the nerve to treat me like that. I am a good person."


The more I listened, the more I realized, most people are far too focused on themselves. They need to tell one another their thoughts, their feelings, their problems and occasionally their joys. But how many of them take the time to listen? Better yet how many dig deeper?
As a society we never ask the question "Why?" Sometimes we get asked "Why do you feel that way?" but that is more-so for clarification than for actual analytical understanding. People all around us seem to live without understanding and it amazes me. How can someone not view their routines in a way that begs the question of "Why?" How can people not take the time to realize when they are stuck there is more than a need for discussing feelings and thoughts. 


You need to discuss motives too. Motives. Something inside us all makes us tick and if you can reach that thought process then you will not only grow as an individual but become increasingly aware of how those around you mold as well and WHY. 
If you have the fortunate ability to communicate with someone in a way that pleads for the question of why, your mind will feel jolted and you will realize you have the ability to learn and an increasing ability to grow. 


Whoever said coffee stunts growth never diverged in a deep conversation in the early hours of the rooster's beckoning.