Third Times a Passion

 

Wow. Of all days, this is not what I needed. Who would have thought I'd have been alone today. Today of all days. I don't know what I was thinking, thinking I'd be okay. I am not. I miss her. What if she was the one? She couldn't be, could she?

And there she is. 

He saw her walk into the little italian restaurant cool and calm. Collected. Like this day meant nothing to her. It meant everything to her once...

Once was so long ago. Back when they were so young and naive. Thinking that love not only changed the world but could save it. It couldn't even save them...

Not from the fighting, the heartbreak, the constant threat of explosion and sacrifice. I sacrificed so much to brighten our love. I barely made it out alive...

And yet, at this moment, he didn't feel so alive. He watched her from the corner of her eye. Stalking her, wondering. Who was she here with? Here? Today?

He straightened up, took a deep breath. What if she saw me? What do we say? How did we both end up here today... just like all those years ago.

10 years ago, they had met at this exact place, on this exact day maybe at this time.

Daniel has been dreading this day for months. Every year this day just brings unmanageable amount of gloom on his life. This one being one of the worst yet, he imagined.

Lately he found that he couldn't stop thinking about her, about the time they shared. Sure, they argued and fought but they were passionate and eccentric. They were growing and growing up. They could be whoever they wanted, do whatever they wanted. But sometimes it felt like all they wanted to do was feed the fire.

But it wasn't always that bad. Like 10 years ago today. They were set up on a blind date. Not knowing what to expect, not sure of how protocol really worked. They met up here. He showed up first. Flustered and not really in control. He thought She sure sounded pretty on the phone. This is a horrible mistake.

Yet he waited. Waited for the chance to see her, to see how it would go. Would they laugh? Would it be awkward?

Kaylan walked in moments later. Cool, calm, collected. Just like she was today. Exactly like she was today. She didn't look quite as frazzled as he was. And boy, she was stunning. Her hair shone like an auburn sunset and her lips, the parting sun. Her eyes, he recalled. Her eyes seemed to reach into his soul and search the wonders of the universe all with the same blink. Their dark green glint and light emerald charm was mesmerizing. And that smile. That smile looked mysteriously devilish and yet something inside him awakened.

 I never knew what I was in for. The night started out slow. I learned everything I ever needed to learn about her that day. He saw her for who she was. Asking her what her favorite color was, where she grew up, what her family was like. But I learned so much more. Like the way Kay laughed when she was nervous, moved her hair while she thought, and the way her passion roared like fire. As if helping others was the only thing that mattered.

Yet, she could never help me. Boy, did she think she had to try.

Within a week, they were attached at the hip. Soaking up every moment they could. Every thought they could have, they shared. They were inseparable. And they had intense chemistry. No matter what she looked like, she always found a way to sizzle his nerves, smoke his senses and ignite a part of him that craved such an awakening. He constantly fantasized about the way she walked, the way she moved, and the way she always left him aching for more. 

We weren't just passionate like fire, we seemed to create it. He always knew he did the same for her. The way she would drop everything at the drop of a call, make things easier so he never had to do a thing. He had the world by the balls. And no one was going to change that. The man in control of the fire, controlled the world. 

He always felt a need for easy power but he was never one to push himself too hard. He lived a fine life, never went too far but he was caring, he was generous, he was true. Yet Kay found Daniel's hazel eyes enchanting and his smirk inspiring. His wispy, spiky hair was sexy and he could make her tremble with a touch of his finger. The same finger he controlled her by.

Yet somehow the fire died, he reminded himself. We both believed so much in the magic power of love, that we stopped believing in each other... He thought.

We killed the fire. Somewhere along the shared memories and hopeless dreams, we broke each other. She always wanted to solve me, fix me, make me more. I never let her "fix" me. I mean, I wasn't broken was I? I wasn't just some toy that she could glue back together or some sand she could turn into a castle with the touch of her hands. I was a man, a man with nothing to lose.

And I acted like it. I pinched every nerve that she ever showed me. She nagged and complained and I ate it up. I chewed her out. I wanted to show her just how passionate I could be, just how wild I could be, how powerful I was without her help. I wanted to engulf her, make her feel shackled to me. For years, I had her wrapped around my finger, my single fancy her greatest goal. But day after day, I noticed her eyes diminish. Her smile became damaged. Her spirit broken. She couldn't handle my power. She wasn't as passionate, as wild as encompassing as the fire we had become. I. Had. Become. Because. I. Had. Nothing. To. Lose....So I left her.
That same day 5 years later, she showed up to meet Daniel at the same restaurant they were at today, in the same place at nearly the same time. And this time, he never showed.

Days later, the impossible happened. She approached me with that old smile and new frosted over eyes. I thought she had returned the woman she was always supposed to be with me. 

But she told him otherwise. She told me she was sick of the fighting, sick of the pushing. She wanted more. More out of me. More out of the man I could be. She wanted to see the fire in my belly not just in my words. She wanted my dedication to move mountains and my passion to change the world. She knew hers would but only if she stopped today. She needed someone...

Different. But would she feel the same today? He looked back at her. A drink in her hand, giggling at her phone. He sensed she was nervously excited. He thought of approaching, offering his smile, turning on his charm. Why was she here?

Must be a date. At that thought, a man walked in, crisp jacket, airy hair, devilish smile. I could never have been that man. The man seemed to be everything Kay ever wanted and as soon as the wine showed up, he recognized the moment, he was witnessing. The man clinked his glass. The noisy room simmered and whispered. 

I froze. I couldn't leave and let her notice. I couldn't stay and watch but I knew what was happening. I looked down, spinning my pasta on my fork like it was the only thing that mattered in the entire world. But I heard. The man talked about a woman the world wouldn't survive without, a woman that changed his world and the world around them. A woman that not only cared more about others than she ever could about herself but made that care contagious and this man was incurably infected. The man got down on one knee and asked Kay those 4 words Daniel always dreamed would fall off his tongue.

Daniel left the restaurant, hands in his pockets, heart re-shattered. 

I never turned into the man she dreamed I could be, the one sitting across from her holding her hand, sharing such a moment of happiness. I never moved mountains and I can't. 

The only passion I ever had, I met on a frightening Valentine's Day 10 years ago. And fight after fight. Singular triumph after triumph, I broke her. I extinguished her smile, I froze her smile, I broke her heart. 

But I know that love we shared moved mountains in my world, that love changed my world. And as frightening as that Valentine's Day was all those years ago, this one was suffocating. As he leaned against the back of the building, another tear fell down his cheek, and he knew.

He knew all those years ago he should have done more, could have done more. He couldn't blame her. It was always him. He could have been that man across from her. He could have helped her move mountains but not now. We didn't extinguish the fire, I did.

Now she was just the one he let get away. Once a fire is drenched, it can never reignite.

Day 2:
The One That Got Away