I am not a dependent.

I have talked to a few of my friends that aren't military and aren't quite wives. If wives are the silent ranks then we are the mute. We get no word, we get no benefits, we have no community.

I live right outside of a military base in Japan. Jobs explain that even though I am an American citizen, I can't get above a $7.25 job because I am not a dependent. If I moved on my own and I made my own sacrifices. You would think someone would cut me a break?

Like the wives. Who could be more open arms then the people that I am in the same boat as, right? We have done the same thing. I have been through deployments and being 9,000+ miles away for almost half of the time I have been with him. I have faced the hardships of long distance and the hardships of being alone. I have had the "I don't want to get out of bed" days and "all I really want is a hug right now" moments, just like them. But even to them, I don't count.

To them, I am a temporary fix. I don't need to get involved on base, I don't need to understand the dynamics of their club. That's what the silent ranks feel like, a club. A secret girls only club that I am not allowed in. YET, in my eyes I should qualify. I don't get an oombudsman, I don't get to join the classes, I don't get to go to Navy Spouse dinners and parties.

I don't count among the base, I don't count among the community. Not as a girlfriend or even as a fiance. I am nothing without becoming a dependent.

So what are my tips for women in my shoes? Women that so desperately want someone to talk to, someone to get close to?

--Get a job. Get out there and talk to the people you work with. I am a preschool teacher off base and talking to the moms is easy. If I wanted to I could probably get an invite. If I am good enough for their children, I am good enough for on base.

--Make friends at the gym or at work or at the NEX or BX. Find people that share your interests and they quickly look over the fact you are supposed to be a mute.

--Find people like yourself. Network yourself. I now have 3 friends that are fiances and girlfriends. People that have moved and did what they can to be with the loves of their lives.

--Facebook. Recently now, there is a group growing at my station called "Ladies with no babies", now the juristiction isn't wife but people that share common interests and want to have fun.

--Message me. No matter where you are or who you are. I am always an ear to listen and a heart to understand.