The Color of Loneliness

The sky is light blue
And blood is curdling red
all he wants is a piece of bread.
He lives on the street,
ridiculed and beat
he has cuts and sores all over his feet.

His stomach is aching His heart is sore but his dream is baking He just wants more He wants the taste of happiness of pink lips And the laughter of gold

The feeling that tomorrow isn't a deathtoll He wants sunny eyes to look at him with joy As he gets back on his feet And runs with the green of Earth to the life he is currently lacking.

And he feels the void of together Worse than the void in his stomach Or the chill in his spine Even if he only tastes such a thought in the black of night It calls to him.

The color of loneliness is as gray as the sidewalk he lays on.

Mounting Air

You climb a mountain

realizing that the lack of air

is all the air you need.

You go on and keep climbing

not considering what it means

for those around you.

and there is so much more that the tip of

the iceberg just entices you more

So you climb higher until the

high is all you know

And in the middle of the road is a door

and someone has thrown away the key

A door with questions not yet answered

And never knowing what it could have been.

Yet you lose sleep wanting to be the one

that opens the door and you hack and wack

until the wood splinters and

You find yourself in a pit

A pit of regret with no one to guide

No one to beat you

You have no friend

And you realize that the monsters

lurking in the dark

Are those you left behind

for the limelight

As they push the vault

closed

And the dream you once had

dies

along with your breath

Knighthood's Darkside

I feel the flash of wind up against my skin

A coolness that has never seen the

light of day before

As I forge hot metal into the night

the sizzle of inspiration

the hiss of desperation

And I dream of

the nights that howl as the moon weeps

when it sees the light from the fire

that even the sun grows envious of

The steel forming from a rival of the light of day

Yet still it needs to burn the water of Earth to make it

Harden, darken and stricken

The core of knighthood

A new day will start with a new name

on the Earth's breath

As the sword that was made of darkness

lives in the light

Darkness Drops

 

There is tension in the air

And electricity on your breath

Your cheeks grow red from the heat like

lightning before the storm

"Not now!" you scream inside your mind

Not ready to collapse

Yet you get lost in the ocean of your thoughts

As you’re delirious about what might happen next

And then the inevitable dam breaks

You feel your eyes start to glaze

like the clouds during a rainstorm

And the drops start their winding maze

All the way down your cheeks

Releasing the tightness

relinquishing your sorrows

screaming your rationality

and losing your resolve

All that's left is to let the drops

Drop down

as you reason with yourself

that gravity will always provide

a release

there is nothing left to do but

fall away

and you sink into the knowing

of not knowing and never understanding

that expels out of the world

and into the darkness.

Waterproof

 

I think it's ridiculous that people can put me down,
insult me and ridicule me because I am a teacher.

So because I went to school, I get to be treated as less?
In what world does that make sense?
Or is it because you "went to school once" too
YOU were that 6 year old in a classroom
And you remember "what it's like" because
surely the 6 years of college under my belt
isn't worth more than dirt.
Better yet is it because I work with children
you have the right to treat me like one?

So insults should wash over me like pouring rain
but I am not to get wet. Like I can walk out into a storm
avoiding the drops without feeling the pinpricks of cold in your tone
and the dampness on my very own cheeks.
That I should let it "go under the bridge" like all water should
just because you needed to "get it off your chest"
or because you were feeling a tadbit frustrated
as your words turn into a downpour of insults towards me.

My world is about your child.
The dirt is under my nails as I pluck the weeds out of
their nasty little habits of picking noses and picking on others.
I trough the fields to give them something to grow upon and
spray away the bugs that eat their homework and lose papers are forever gone.
As I fertilize the land that they are proud of standing on top of
and there you stand like a monsoon over my delicate plants demanding
more of my after work time to be devoted to your child as if every
after working hour wasn't already.

You want to complain about me and what I am doing.
Be my guest. But do not share those raindrops with me.
I have enough water coming out of my eyes
as I hear their stomachs grovel and beg as I sneak them a snack
because the only meal they eat are the ones coming from my hands.
Or how the only time they hear that they are good enough
is that silly little ping on the board to tell them that they are doing what's right
and those lime green notes that said they rocked at... something.
That I believe in them more than they believe in themselves.

My 10 feet by 10 feet world where I fall in love
with every boy and girl as if they were my child.
I chose a land to surround myself with where I am giving my
whole soul to a few. Like how to find Lily the perfect book
how to help Amy get in front of the class. How to help Garrett
care more about his effort than about his red shiny clown nose.
I chose a profession that allows me to change the world and
it all starts a few boys and a few girls.

I didn't decide to get in front of the class to be pounded
by your thunderclouds or to leap from your lightning venon.
No I chose this job because water is needed to strengthen a
planted child but so is a hug when they need it and a shoulder to cry on
when they fail. A place where mistakes are okay and where laughter
is contagious. And of course the right nutrients for their mind is surrounded by safety.

I chose this profession to help make your child the highest tree
and the prettiest flower all wrapped up in one killer little bow.
I will eat your words and swallow that venomous water
So that I can be a guiding hand and show your child that its possible
to be rainproof and that as long as they build their own little world
and aren't afraid of a little dirt. They can make something
broken also beautiful and something beautiful unbreakable. 

Awake-overs

The best part of having a little sister is messing with her. Every older sister knows the pure joy of lurking in the creaky, dark basement awaiting her to come around the corner and jumping out for that second of thrill as she screams and runs to tell on you. Or the way you can get her to believe in hole-y eyeballs, pet monkeys and the fact that we have an older brother that she has never met.

It was one of those nights that my parents left me alone to watch Nikki and her two friends, Kayla and Nicole, as they had their first sleepover. They went all out with their junk food, scary movies and flickering lights as they cuddled up ready to scream.

These opportunities as a big sister don't come around too often, so I jumped at it before my parents left. I informed them of my plan in part. They agreed they wouldn't interrupt it.

"But don't go too far." My mother said as they left. Who, me?The girls finished making their popcorn as I called my friends for the prank I had in mind.

"Hey Mike, It's Ash. Nikki is having her first sleepover and they are watching their first scary movie ever. I think its The Grudge."

"I know! That one isn't even scary." I said, perfectly timed as the girls scream bloody murder. They must have turned it on and started. "In about 30 minutes, grab everyone and come over. Let's scare these girls into believing in horror films." The menacing smile crept onto my face and I tried to hide the joy as I came downstairs to oversee the girls and the show that was about to start.

All of a sudden, right on cue, the phone rang. The girls jumped and I answered "Hello? Hello? Say something. I can hear you breathing." I said out loud, trying not to watch the girl's faces, afraid I would break out of character already. "I am hanging up now." As I had Mike on the phone, Tony had snuck into the house through the front door I had opened and at that moment, the lights went off.

The girls screamed, trying to turn on the lights, but they had to do with flashlights. They huddled together to consider and investigate.

"How did you do that Ashley?" they asked, blaming innocent me.

"How could I be at the bottom of this? I was on the phone a second ago. You SAW me!" Then the knocking came on the windows around the living room as the girls jumped at each one and stomping upstairs insured them they weren't alone this evening.

The phone rang again.

"I am answering this time." Nikki said a little too high pitch to be considered brave. She picked up the phone. "Hello? Stop this, okay? We get it, its not even scary. Oh yeah... your deep breathing is really cool. I can do that too." She said as she started mimicking the voice on the other line. And the shrill scream of her voice hit next as another hand banged on the window next to her with a handprint covered in blood.

Nikki who was a little too onto me, since it wouldn't be the first time I scared her, decided that all three of the girls would go outside to investigate the handprint on the window. As their shoes went on, they heard a roaring outside.

A chainsaw, perfect. I loved my friends at that moment. Next we heard the stomping again. The girls quickly changed their plan and decided to investigate upstairs instead. There was an easy explanation to this. "Ashley we know you are doing this" they said between shallow breathing and whispering voices. They tried the lights, and they turned on with ease. But the two light switches made it easy for me to mess with them as they searched each of the rooms helping Tony leave the upstairs and hide in the basement until the coast was clear.

The girls decided to call my mom to tell her what was happening. Mom did her best to stay out of it though she must have said something that pointed in my direction.

I got a text a few minutes later to unlock one of the windows upstairs and as the girls decided to head downstairs deciding I must have done something they heard a scream from the upstairs. They immediately ran to see what, or who, it was. Then the heard a door slam on the main floor. Looking out the windows were fruitless because it was so dark.

As they heard a scream come from the main floor, they ran down to see where it came from. The phone rang again. Nikki answered it in the kitchen, Kayla and Nicole not far behind her.

"Hello? Stop this! You are scaring us!" Nikki said choking back tears. She was good at playing the victim, something I learned quickly being the oldest. You could poke her and she could find a way to cry over it. "We just want to watch our movie. Leave us alone!"

At that point, I opened the sliding door, claiming I would go investigate outside. Tony took the opportunity and turned all the lights off again. Then ran through the kitchen we were all in, with a mask on, screaming like a girl. I almost lost it except that I could cover my smiling, laughing mouth, pretending I was as upset as they were.

This left the girls devastated to see someone, not knowing who it was. I closed the sliding door and found all three of the girls sitting on the floor of the kitchen, crying and calling all their moms.

So I finally felt bad (and totally accomplished) and fessed up. I called my friends in and Tony came in first, making the girls scream, until he took off his mask. Mike and Mandi were next as we all laughed. The girls continued to cry.

So I did what any sane older sister does to make her little sister stop crying. I bribed them. I got in my car, with all my friends and bought them each a giant Hershey's bar, Nikki's favorite.

All I know is, one day the grudge, I am sure she has for me is going to come back full swing. 

The Man in the Mirror

"Write about someone pretending to be someone or something he is not."

Jesse looks in the mirror as he spends another few minutes getting ready.  It is the same every day and the betrayal is written all over his face as he studies the mirror looking for which of the two faces will take over on this day. Look at that smug little smirk lurking behind the lines of agony that seem to be washed away the second he walks out the door.

He is trapped, trapped in a world that leads him to believe he can't be himself. The laughter is a great mask. The smile is a way to pull away from who he was. And the only time he sees his treachery is when he looks in the mirror, like it is trapped away in another world.

But every once in a while, he can't step outside his house, for his torment finds a way to chain him to the house and all he can do is break down without stepping out.

Take 2
He looks in the mirror as he spends another few minutes getting ready. His hair always takes a few minutes longer than it should because he spends so long mesmerized by the pain in the mirror. Look at that smug little smirk lurking behind the lines of agony that seem to be washed away the second he walks out the door. The monster of a man he feels locked inside always seems to show his face first thing in the morning. Glaring eyes and glistening teeth, as if ready to take a bite out of the mask he wears around each day.

The betrayal is written all over this monster's face staring back in the mirror. He begs for the chance to step out of the house and not be locked in this dungeon of a house with the monster. Some days, he can escape and put the mask of happiness over his eyes and share with the world a better version of himself. A world people believe is his own, how gullible people are.

He is trapped in his house or trapped in a world that leads him to believe he can't be himself. The laughter is a great mask. The smile is a way to pull away from who he was. And the only time he sees his treachery is when he looks in the mirror, like it is trapped away in another world.

But every once in a while, he can't step outside his house, for his torment finds a way to chain him to the house and all he can do is break down without stepping out. A way to take over a bring agony to the man on the other side of the mirror.

Four years ago, Jesse never saw this monster. It wasn't until Stephen Lynch came into his life and ripped away all the good. He will never forget that day. Jesse's wife Sam and young daughter, Danette, and Jesse went to the park. They met some friends there, an easy thing to do when your daughter has a smile that can change the world. There was this man, Stephan, there with his son, Tony, who always played with Dani. Sam got the idea of inviting them over for dinner as Dani didn't want to leave poor Tony alone.

They gave Stephan their address, got dinner prepared and were on their way to setting the table, when the doorbell rang. Tony ran in and Dani's smile returned again. Stephan brought a wine and helped set up the table, giving each of them a glass. The dinner was a roasted chicken, Sam's speciality, with mashed potatoes and a green bean casserole. Yet after grace was shared and they said cheers, the world went black.

Jesse woke up to Sam's screams and Dani's cries. "What happened?" he thought. His head was ringing, he was dazed but as he opened his eyes, he witnessed the horror. Jesse was caged to a chair, locked up as he saw Sam's skin rip from her flesh under Stephan's prying fingers and slippery knives. Jesse quickly looked around for his daughter. Was he too late. He found Danette taped to her highchair with Tony keeping her company, petting her head. Jesse spoke to her, tried to get her to look away from Mommy but it wasn't possible, not when the screams tore through the air. It was at that moment he knew, the smile would never come back to her eyes, if they survived.

Jesse tried to break out, he tried to save them... but it was too late and by the time the police came, he was the only one left. The girls tore to pieces, blood all over their house. Stephan and Tony, he later found out were hunted in a few different states and the blame shadowed him every day.

As Jesse gets ready each morning, the sun doesn't seem to shine as bright, no one's smile can outdo the one in his mind that he will never see again. And every once in a while the monster of despair and pain takes over making leaving the house and facing the day unbearable without the family he had and with the new memories he shares with one sick and twisted man.