And this whole place became her escape.
She walked around her secret garden
Staring at the blooming scenery
As if taking her first breathe,
Falling passionately in love,
And seeing color for the very first time
In a world so distorted with shades of black and white
Among the crowded streets and planned out lives
She noticed a life she always passed up
By taking her time she found herself in awe
Of the couples, young and old, living in the moment
As they giggled and held each other in their open arms
She watched as they fell in love all over again
Under the clear blue sky and budding trees.
She noticed the smells come to life.
The new leaves and dandelions aroused her every sense
How that hint of lusciousness in the air
Could drown out the busy streets,
Honking horns, and metallic sky scrapers
How the wind became its own dance
That her hair couldn’t help but find the flow to
As its melody forced a kiss on her bare cheek
She noticed everything danced with the wind’s rhythm
And to the crashing waves rhythmic heartbeat.
Most importantly, how important taking a single
Moment out of her own hectic life
To realize the liveliness of such a busy place
Isn’t hidden behind a PDA screen and important calls
But in between two lover’s hands.
It’s not among the crowded trains
And mumbled words of passengers
But among the butterflies enjoying the sweet
Smell of newly cut grass and primroses in blossom.
How life isn’t about how much time she uses up,
But how much she enjoys the song of the waves
And the dance that the wind performs among
The laughing trees and passionate clouds
That among this busy city are all the colors
She just began to appreciate for the first time
Sitting there in her secret garden
From March 2010
the past year of my life has been unexpected.
i have changed and grown up a lot.
i have learned how to take the unknowns of life on
and to jump as high as needed to go to surpass any obstacle.
i can look at everything i have encountered
and realize that its exactly what i needed at that time.
i needed this year of crazy memories, new friends, new boys, and a new life.
i needed a year that devoted to finding myself, creating myself, and to freeing myself.
i needed this year to become the EXACT person i want to be
and to realize the strength, morality, and character that i do have.
i needed this year to realize what i am worth and what i can be.
to figure out how important i am and how much i can mean to someone.
i needed everything that happened to me.
every fight, every fall, every mistake,
every change, every smile, every laugh,
every i told you so, every i love you and every breathe.
i needed to figure out what cards i hold in my own hand
and how to play the right ones over the wrong.
i needed every text, every phone call, every message
every heartbreak, every love, every heartbeat
i needed every encounter, every hello and every goodbye.
i now understand that i am able to do anything and that it'll be worth it.
i now know that life will work out because it is right now.
It’s her soul. It’s her being.
She lives for that feeling
Step back. Watch her soar.
Watch her live the life she was always destined for.
This. That moment.
The one where everything starts falling into place.
It’s like each thought has been predetermined
Chewed up and spit out.
Yet here she is. Rearranging the thoughts that everyone else had
Making it perfect. Perfect
She’s meant to do this.
It’s her passion. It’s her trust
That this world, this belief
And this moment is worth more
Than anything else.
And that if she could pour her feelings
Onto this paper. Into these thoughts
That maybe, maybe
She could find one person her words could affect
Someone’s life that she could touch.
Just like hers has been touched.
Everyone deserves to feel whole.
And she’s willing to write the other half.
I dont know if you feel it but i do.
i dont know if you sense it like i do.
but these are the last straws.
and they are bending.
just like all of those before them.
its not much longer til i dont hear from you
not much longer til i dont see you.
its not much longer, til you no longer exist to me
so what was the step?
what divided me even further from you?
someone elses love story
a fact that i didnt have to think of you
and i didnt
it didnt remind me of you in the slightest
in fact,
it reminded me of him
every part, everything went to him.
thats what moving on is.
it is the ability to get over
to let go
to move on.
and thats what is going on
i am done
i played your game
and i am through
i am ready to start a new game
that does not involve you
im ready to look at love
and not want you
i am ready to look at life
and not need you
i am ready to take those last steps
and walk
walk far away
to find my own direction
to bend my own way
and to leave you behind.
all for love
all for happiness
but mainly,
more than anything
all for me.
because i deserve
my own path
my own way
my own love.
I hide from it.
It is who I am.
So why do I hide?
Because it scares me.
Because it worries me.
Because it is me.
There is so much more to it,
Than you could realize.
So much more to it ,
Than you care to know.
And I wont talk about it,
As long as you don't ask
So don't ask.
You don't know the situation,
You don't know the rules,
Or how this game is played.
So don't try to put yourself in my shoes.
Don't try to tell me what its done,
Because frankly, you don't know.
It happened. Life happened.
All you need to know...
Is it screwed me over,
But I am still walking.
It messed me up,
But it doesn't control me.
It affected me,
But it made me, me.
And I like me.
So I can take it,
And I won't fight it.
I will admit to it,
But i will hide from it.
Just to stay me.
Just like those lost, glistening auburn leaves;
the ones that change and the true beauty is brought out this time of year.
The same ones that thought they had the world perceived pristinely;
Just months before as they clung to their branches of life.
They fell off their world; just to be born again
it’s the same as those stars outside.
The ones that burn with hope and passion every night.
Magic takes over babe, they think they are at the top of the world,
They think they are at the top of their game and that they have it all figured out
Then they realize what it’s like to fall
Watch baby, you see those snowflakes?
The gentle white that so easily molded into a world they never thought possible.
They become so much more then they dreamed they could be.
Just by joining together in a world that they never imagined,
They saw the world of possibilities form before their very eyes.
It was something that they only understood as they were falling.
The rain behaves similar to the rest.
It doesn’t resist the trend and falls with absolutely no regrets.
Nothing stops this downpour; nothing changes the pace.
Each drop is as perfectly satisfying as the next.
Do you see it? They only do it for you. They only fall for you.
But I can’t seem to find one reason to tell them to stop falling.
And that needle begs to the empty eyes to fill up again.
Those pills scream to the broken hearted that they can heal any and every pain.
That rope gives to the fallen something to hold onto.
That pool of water helps them fill all of their holes.
That gun gives them the power and control
With a velocity that can kill and
For the first time possibly give these lost a straight direction.
That knife being pressed against their skin
Gives them a sort of awkward comfort that can’t be patched up,
Just like their cracked mindset.
It’s a supplement they feel they don’t have.
Those weapons used to face their fears are
Meant to complete them in the only way they have life.
Don’t tell me what to believe in. I let myself open up and fall. Just to be reminded fairy tales don’t exist and you can only be prince charming through the lies. Once the magic wears off your are just as lost, distracted and useless as the last.
Go ahead, hide behind that mask baby.
You’ve been doing it all along.
No sense to share who you are with the world.
Better play me like a puppet.
And just when, I’m reeled in you let loose.
Showing me the creature you held in for too long.
Once I saw the real you,
I needed to let go myself baby.
I’m not gonna be your doll.
You can’t move me along with whatever you do.
So while you hid behind that mask,
I caved when you pulled.
I played the puppet to perfection.
But I refuse to wear this makeup any longer.
I will not bend to help you make me break.
I will not satisfy your inhibitions
Just to give you a false comfort.
I am my own master.
The more you give into your fears,
The more you lose me.
One of these days the strings will be gone
And I will be happy on my own again.
I won’t play pretend. I gave into a world of make believe, of false promises and distant dreams of an alternate reality that only you could still believe in. imp done with this game of mushy sayings and happily ever after. Of fake smiles and forced laughter’s. Love isn’t fake and everything with you has been. And quite frankly, I am sick of playing along.
I want real. I want passion and lust. I want compliments on more than just my sexual appeal. I want someone who thinks about romantic dates and cute gestures. I want a real person full of heartbreak and memories of what it was like to fall. I want future dreams and would you rather. I want more than a possibility. I want the truth and the truth is yours is all a lie.
Please heart. Stop breaking. Stop beating. Stop caring. Stop being. Make things easy on me. Stop the hope, the pain the endless carefree love. Because that is what first love is? It’s not just your first kiss or romantic date. It’s not your first gentleman or first Armstrong. It’s your fairy tale, your very best friend. He’s the one that your heart will always beat for. And the one you never thought you be without. He’s the reason you loved life and the first person you truly trusted. He’s your everything. But mainly, he’s your pain. Your broken dream and overplayed record. He’s the reason your trust is withered and your heartbeats seem farther apart. He’s EVERY worry, every question and every possibility of a problem. He is your conscious and brain, he’s also the lock and key on your heart. Beckoning them to enter and begging to keep them away.
Look at her. She’s your goddess. You have her on a pedestal that is far beyond anyone else’s each. She’s got to have flaws. Don’t you see her imperfections? Are you ready for THAT disappointment?
Is she ready for what you are saying? You don’t realize she battles it because she wants to believe it’s a lie. She wants you to prove her wrong. Sometimes you have to let your backbone show a little. Sometimes you have to call her bluff.
Lead her. Take the first step. Go slow. She forgot what its like to go down this road. Take her hand and guide her. Get to far ahead and she will surely drown. Take it a step at a time. Let her soak it all in and enjoy it. Give her time to fall.
Its gonna be tough. Its gonna test your patience. Its gonna be a lot more wrong then right. But show her the ending she has stopped believing in and you will win her over.
Do you see that little girl? She must be four or five.
No one told her the truth her whole life.
She’s been brought up on lies of happily ever after,
Broken dreams and empty glass bottles.
The worlds been warped from the bruised arms and broken hearts.
Yet this girl still plays "he loves me, he loves me not"
Only about her very own father instead of her prince charming.
She is gonna be the strongest person you will ever know.
With her head in the clouds to escape
Her feet on the ground to maintain
And her strength around her own heart to protect.
And she’s already that way. But she’s only four or five.
