The Guy's Girl Guide

The Guy's Girl Guide.

To start this off I should explain that the "Guy's girl" is the honorary boy of the group of guys. She's the tomboy and she is accepted as one of the guys in every way except for strength, bachelor party invites, and is excluded on some sex talks.

Just like the Man Laws, these girls believe in a lot of the same but with minor tweeks.

So this is my start to a Guy's Girl Guide:

1) By accepting the role of the Guy's Girl, you are hereby excluded from the "womanly" jobs when around your guys. This includes: cleaning up after them, grabbing them their beers (unless they have offered to grab you one as well), and cooking (unless it is grilling).

2) As the Guy's Girl, it is under penalty of death, if you knowingly cockblock one of your guys. It is up to you to stay your distance if they are going for the kill. And if you can help them get the girl, they owe you the first round next time you are out. 

3) Don't waste alcohol. EVER. And call out anyone that isn't manly enough to finish their drinks.

4) As a Guy's Girl, it is strictly forbidden to sleep with your guy friends. You would instantly lose all rights to the Guy's Girl title and become the Group Slut from that point forth. 

5) If your guys offer to give you a ride and they find a girl to bring home, it becomes your job alone to find a new way back. (This refers to the Guy's Girl Guide #2)

6) You are allowed to outrightly call out a guy for wearing short shorts, popped collars, a rolling backpack, a lower back tattoo or a manpurse. These things take away his Mancards and thus question your choice in the guys you hang out with. If your guys are caught in these in public, your rights are temporarily revoked as a Guy's Girl. (Unless the said guys lost a bet.)

7) If you catch one of your guys cheating, in no way, are you to tell the girlfriend. Yes, it might make you question your role but you need to remember you are one of the guys. And by doing this you will lose their trust and lose your title. (You are allowed to yell at them by all means necessary and work on getting them to confess).

8) When one of your guys is trying to pick up a hot girl, you can be a substitute wingwoman for the ugly friend. Your job title includes: starting a conversation and keep her distracted enough so your guy can do what he needs to do.

9) When toasting with beers you clank at the bottom. 

10) As the Guy's Girl of the group, you are excused from the burping, farting and scratching rules that men believe women don't do. 

11) You must be up to date on some sports (if not all) and be able to hold your own in a battle of the wits when it comes to these such conversations.

12) You are allowed to pick fun at, shit talk and joke around with your guys.

13) If you have a problem with breaking nails, you must immediately resign.

14) Whatever the boys are going to do (whether illegal, immoral, or wrong), you must as well. (However, you are allowed to explain the consequences and make them double think their actions).

15) You may at some points need to play the translator for the woman language, also you may need to be their advisor on what to do/change/act when it comes to women. This is as girly as you are allowed to get and during these talks you get upgraded to the "Guy's Spy" (an honorable, noble and cherished title).

16) In some point in your life, you have to learn stick and about cars. You need to know how to change your tire, your oil and your brakes. And under no circumstance do you take the help from another man if he offers (unless you screwed something up and have admitted defeat).

17) You need to like fighting and action movies. 

18) When you wrestle with your guys, crotch hits are STRICTLY prohibited. 

19) Dainty is not in your vocabulary unless there is a formal event to attend. 

20) Even though you are a girl, you need to know and accept the Man Laws for your guys.

21) You have the right to call any guy out for being a ManBitch (aka not following the Man Laws).

22) You may never ask the guys the womanly trick questions.

23) If you are mad at one of your guys, tell him. Don't play the "I am fine" card. Own up and get it out so you can move on.

24) You are not counted as a woman on guy's night out. Thusly, you are allowed to be invited. Especially if its for a sports game.

25) You are allowed to yell at your guy's for being invited to the baby/wedding showers of their significant others. If they don't want to go, they should know you dont want to go either.

26) Stealing Man Law #71:The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story. 

27) If the guy's end up in jail. You will be honored with the first call and you need to use every resource available to you to bail them all out. 

28) You don't have to be as good as the guys, but you have to play along. This includes videogames, sports, and jokes. However, if you are better you have every right to shove it in the guys face for the rest of time.

29) You can not be offended by woman jokes.

30) You can plead the fifth on what happened to said guy, if his wife or girlfriend calls. 

31) When you have a significant other, and have been accepted by his friends as one of the guys, it is your duty to help them score as much as you can.

32) It is legal to make fun of women and discredit yourself as one when you are the Guy's Girl. As the Guy's Spy, you must answer truthfully for yourself and the women you know. 

33) If a guy asks for advice: give it. But assume they won't listen.

34) You are not allowed to bust into tears in front of your guys, unless its the last option availible. And they are allowed to kick whosever ass needs it, following this engagement.

35) You must assume the role of little sister, when the guys get protective. 

36) You may never take to heart their jokes.

37) You must have a zombie getaway and take over the world scheme that out trumps your guys. 

38) You are allowed to get your guys free drinks if another guy is trying to get with you.

39) You must assume you are right, until you are proven 100% wrong. 

40) You must know how to shoot a gun.

41) If one of your guys wants to order a "girly drink", you must order one as well. (Bonus points if you order it for him).

42) You are not allowed to talk about clothing (unless it is jerseys), Bras (unless the topic is boobs), or feelings unless completely necessary. 

43) You must never make a guy pussy whipped and must call them out if someone else did

**there are probably more that i have omitted due to a time restraint