The First Rule to Fiction (And Maybe Our Entire Existance)

Human kind can not gain something without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost



(sidenote: that i just thought of: how do you give something in return? if its returned shouldnt it be given first?)
Anyway, the title might be a stretch but this is a quote from Fullmetal Alchemist. A tv show. Yes I said that correctly.

my first thought process on this however didn't hit that thought. I looked at it as a way it could possibly be applied to life as we know it. I originally thought that this quote was a lie. Sure its part of a tv show and thus isn't supposed to answer life questions, but let's be honest... It's fun looking for answers in unprobable locations.

so... I disagreed. I can gain love without giving it. I can better my life without worsening another. I can gain knowledge without losing another kind. This seemed stupid.

And I think it really hit me hard when it said "lost".
But... as my roommate said, to build a house you have to lose some trees.



Then I started playing devil's advocate with myself. If you reread it now and think of Newton's 3rd law (I believe), which states that "every action causes a equal and opposite reaction" then it makes sense in the physical world. But still doesn't seem to hold water outside the realm of solid life.

Let's look at it again though, this time religiously. When it comes to Christianity, Jesus had to die for us to love. And when it comes to Buddhism, this question is about the balance of the universe a lot like yin and yang. So how wrong can it be?


Interesting, so my conclusion is as follows. I do, in fact, agree (and like) this rule (as I have been told to call it) becuase it shows the combined forces of the universe working together. it takes oneself outside the world that they live in and they have to view it as a whole. A scary thought for the land of materialism and power.

So, I can see (and would almost like) to live by this motto. Because it can stand for so much more than just a fictional reality someone created. It can stand for a way of life, a thought process, and a way to break yourself into the thoughts of the world around you.

It can electrify your mind and create a mind blowing debate that you can have with those around you.

And that is what thinking is about, its a way to stop taking your world for granted and start questioning why. You might find out more than you thought possible. You might find out more about yourself.

The Question I Don't Have An Answer To

So I have been pondering this thought over ever since I started dating but in two entirely different ways.

Is it possible to be too truthful in a relationship?
As a teen I believed that truth is all you needed in a relationship and if you had that, then you couldn't do better. so as the lies started building and the problems started occuring, i was sure that trust is the best thing. because the truth is better than lies.

Now, I am in an entirely new relationship and he couldn't trust me more. He couldn't be more truthful. I would love to say I am older and wiser now and that I have some new thought process to back all this up that i once believed in. In all honesty, currently, I think I could have been wrong. I think it might  be possible to be TOO truthful. There are some things maybe that should be left in the dark. or maybe I just need to get used to the idea that nothing is anymore.

I guess I have to process this thought process a bit more. But maybe omitting things isn't as bad as it might seem. 

Double Edged Sword

It wouldn't take much to control her. He knew that. 
Everyone has weaknesses. No one lacks their kryptonite. And he always knew hers and exploited hers, just for another edge to grow on his piercing sword. No one realized her problems were his strength. And even if they did, no one cared.

The only reason he was tough was because he had made her weak. But the more edges he created, the less the craftmanship valued. Anyone could see the weaknesses in slices, the lack of balance in the blade and the way the metal began to look warped. 

He was blinded by his sword. It had become his everything. Why would he need others for, if he had his own strength? And that's all that he had cared about. He needed to be stronger, better and safer than that of his counterpart. Just saw more as better and kept expanding. There was no way to stop him. And she knew it. They all knew it. 

She knew it, better than the rest. And she knew more. She knew that the sword of strength and weaknesses would be the final end of his reign and waited patiently. Every day for years she sat there, she took his hits, she watched the sword grow. And it would be nice to say she was fearless, that she knew better and kept to the course but it wasn't so. 

What she feared most: wasn't the comments, wasn't the pain, but was the fact that that sword would keep growing. That she would have all her weaknesses exposed and thus he would have the ultimate power over the world. 

She had hoped that one day the world would change. That she would find some strength to take it all back. To take control of her own weaknesses and her own life.

He kept up his game. Especially since it was the only one he knew. The sword had grown to the point that he was the only one that could carry it. And he still exploited her. Finally, he realized that he could no longer wield it like he once could. He blamed it on age, she always knew better. The sword had become stronger than the master.

Sure enough, where he was once undefeatable, she watched him fall. Where once he was always victorious. she watched him suffer. She laughed at his naivity and his thirsty for overcontrolled power. And he tried to upgrade himself. To find his strengths to feed from the sword, but alas, there were none. 

He dragged out more weaknesses until his multi-edged sword became too much, too heavy. Even for him to wield.

And this was her chance, finally after all these years she went after his weaknesses. And it was simple. She didn't know how she went on for so long thinking he was godliness. She found the strength she needed, in her own weaknesses. What he called stupid she saw as right. What he saw as wrong, she saw as strength. What he saw as too planned, she saw as stategic. What he saw as careless, she saw as human. 

She lifted his sword well above his hunched over body and swung until his head hit the ground in front of him, while the rest of his body slumped backwards. All this time she thought he was strong and she was weak. Because after all these years, that is what it seemed like. Yet here she was, the hero, the righteous, and the bold. Defeating the man that held her back and made her feel worthless. So she decided to wield the sword. She held the sword of her strengths and weaknesses.

With her sword in hand, she headed out to right those that have done wrong around her. 

And this, this was her destiny.               

   

"I will make him an offer he can't refuse"

I just finished reading The Godfather. I have never been so amazed at a story in all of my life.
And though I have seen the movie, it doesn't dare give the justice and respect that this book deserves. To say that this book has changed my life is a sign of disrespect because that doesn't begin to undermine what has happened.

It is so easy for us, the ill-informed and naive, to believe that good versus evil is just a line across the street that one has the option to choose to cross or a fence someone chooses to hop with one yard "the good" and the other "the bad".

Maybe though, maybe they are two different mediums that support the comparison between good versus evil, where there can not be a steady line. Good versus evil is much more like the earth versus the water. Where the good is a place where your feet are on the ground but your head is in the air. And the Evil is the lurky unknowns of the water.

So then, what is that of the beach? The part of the land that is always soaked with water the deeper you dig, yet on the surface there is no water to be seen. And the closer you get to the water the more visible the wetness is both in your site and under your feet. You can actually feel the water? Does that make you evil? Your feet are still on the land, and your head is still in the water. So are you good or evil?

Furthermore, its possible to be in water on land. we take baths every day where we are completely surrounded in water. Would such a thing make you, then evil? Because although you are surrounded in the enemy land, you are still in control of your own desires.

And lets take it the next step further, if you are indeed, in the water of an ocean, yet it is shallow? what would that make you? Where your feet are still on solid ground yet you feel the waves around your knees. Where your head is still above ground and your feet still walk among it.

And maybe the trickiest of all these comparisons, what if you decide to join the enemy forces and subject yourself to the world of the water? Where you have dove and swam for all your life, yet you want nothing more than to be on the land. So you stopped your diving and swimming with the fish, realizing that you can be even closer to your want, if you just keep your head above the water and in the air?
then all you have left to worry about is your feet.

So maybe the good versus evil line that people paint is just not so thin. Maybe the fence is more like a very thick wall.
Where a man can be both good and bad. He can see the harm done to him yet can see the benefits to that harm. Maybe he can see the harm that a good deed does and that justice is only for those that know what the opposition of justice can cause.

Maybe we all live on the beach and the ideals that there are purely good and purely evil are that of our omnipotent god and devil. And that just depending which direction you face and the acts that you make would help you realize whether you strive for the higher land or the fiery water of hell.

Maybe everyone has a need for a little air to breathe and a craving for the waves at their feet.

hidden messages

people act fake for all different reasons.
Some see it as a way to gain the popular attention that they crave. Others, use it as a way to gain support from a crowd and have the courage to walk into a room full of people that they don't know.

Some are hiding their inner most feelings, their deepest and darkest secrets, and some are hiding themselves.

Everyone has something that they are not comfortable with. But sometimes its weird to see how they approach that said topic.

the people that I am very close with tend to hide from it. They make a fake world that they will live in and that part of their lives are left behind and forgotten about as often as possible. Because they can create a world that they feel comfortable in whether its walking into a crowded room or not being able to justify abuse to other people. Sometimes its easier to just hide and create a fake persona as a way to deal with the hardships a life can bring.

...Those close to them can read their their fakeness and look for the secret hidden message that will help bring the person back into the world as we know it. Instead of a tv show version of the life that they truly believe they live in.

((However, maybe the reason people can point it out is because they too have those dark and hidden problems that they don't want to suffer through alone.))

Epicness

This is probably the most epic badass nerd thing (yes that is possible) EVER.
EVERRRRR.

The Truth Hurts

The Big Bang Theory Scene

You know its a hard life for the beautiful vs the geek. But what a deadly combination if its a mix of both.

I absolutely love this show. I actually am amazed by exactly how much i understand from it. I didnt think I was always that smart. There are so many things in this show that kill me. And this will probably not be the last post about it.

However, this scene i about died laughing. I guess thats the woman i strive to be. who knows what I have ended up as. I mean I love playing video games, however I am not normally much good.

and ohhh how much passionate hate i have for halo. (thats a whole other deadbeat ex boyfriend long story) But give me COD give me Left4Dead give me borderlands and i am going at it. And i can get geekier. Give me Kingdom Hearts, Fire Emblem, Final Fantasy. <3 And I love it all.

But to have brains and beauty? thats a parallel dimension we haven't found yet.

jacked truth

firstly, i jacked this picture from The Sangster Report because well... I laughed. Now, yes. I am a girl. And I do consider myself decent looking, smart and normally nice. However, I know that when it comes to the guys, they will meet a million girls and there is never this like feng shui to a girl. however maybe with a million and one there will be. But this venn diagram is typically the problem.

Every girl, whether they want to admit it or not is attracted to the assholes. Why? I can tell you. Its b/c they are cocky selfish pricks who know EXACTLY what to say to get what they want. They arent like the nice smart, handsome guys that care more about okay that might be a bit much. But they at least care about our feelings and our ideals as well as what will go on in the bedroom. But no girl picks this up right away. we like to believe the guy feeding us the perfect lines with wonderful abs is really the guy we are meant to be with.
...well honey, prince charming only lasts til midnight too.

now i know that its hard to find miss megan fox body with a PhD and actually isnt full of herself. So just keep dreaming.

And i know you can think of plenty of smart uglies. or Gorgeous dumbasses. Some bitchy sluts and some smartass whores. its the way the world works. If there weren't choices you wouldnt be able to find the one you were made for.

So good luck with your search. Hopefully what the diagram doesnt show is that right there in the dead center is a dot. that MAYBE 100 girls in the world fit into. its your job to find her

Also, id like to fix the diagram to also include taken. and then taken by assholes. lol i think that would solve this diagram problem or at least start to.

as for now, just know that in the world of the beautiful, smart and nice, the alarm clock eventually goes off and you will wake up.

Look, whatever you are, be a good one.

I know there are plenty of people trying to be plenty of different things and that is wonderful. But for the love of God, will you make sure it suits you?

For instance, if you want to be a scientist, DO NOT settle for science teacher. There is a different between understanding something and being able to teach it.

If you want to be an athlete, make sure you will make it somewhere or assume that you are only going to do it for the love of it and settle with whatever you can get.

If you want to be a superhero, maybe try to save people or have super powers or at least a lot of money to supply it. Don't start thinking you can save the world with no know how on how to do that.

And most importantly, if you want to be a liar. Learn how to cover your tracks. think ahead. Because the worst kind of liars are the ones that get tracked. Back your shit up or dont lie.

so i guess this moral is, if you aren't good at being one. Don't.

Random Thoughts

1) I was sent a video of "The Door Test" From the Bronx Tale.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kW94hQQMTQw
Now i have never seen the movie. but this part says that the "great women" of your life will always pass this test: A guy will lock both doors and go over to her side to unlock it and let her in. Do this on the first date. Then if shes a great one, she will reach over and unlock yours.
Well. let me just say. i am not a great one 1) i wouldnt think to look at your lock. 2) you have the keys in your hand you can do it yourself. 3) I dont see the point since you have to reach for the handle anyway. 4) I must not be a great one then.
I find this interesting. And i wonder how many women would do this. I am not some dainty prissy bitch, but that whole second it takes you to unlock the door isnt much of a hassle and i dont really see me reaching over as really helping you. want me to help you carry something, fine by me. want me to pay on the occasion, you know i will. but unlocking a door, when you have the keys... i dont think you need to be a prissy bitch either.
Also. Is there a more recent test? Is there a test that woman can do? First date kind of knowledge. A generalization taht can be made/attempted. Its an interesting theory. Though I dont think I want to start thinking about that right now.

2) I watched the notebook when my boyfriend visited. he said something that really made me think. we were watching it and Allie told Noah that she waited 7 years for him, then she fell in love again. And Noah on the other hand, never fell in love just settled for another woman. My boyfriend, just speaking his mind, said "thats the problem with women they can fall in love again". now... that made me think. its a valid complaint. ((Sidenote: However, I find it funny he sees this as a problem, knowing that I have been in love before))
Also on this topic, I thought it was interesting that even if I said it, I never actually considered the fact that I couldn't ever love again. I thought that I might not find the right person, but COULDN'T meant it wasn't possible inside of me to love to that extent again. Not having the opportunity and not being able to pursue it are two different things. maybe that is the difference with men and women. We feel our heart can stretch around the world, and men devote it all to one object. we view ours as eternally growing, theirs is eternally powerful.

3) Did you know Charles Darwin got a degree in Theology at a divinity school? (yeah i nerded it up for a second.) But lets think about this rationally. what does this mean for Darwinism? How did he decide this concept? and how did he interpret it?

Did he see Evolutionism and Creationism were one in the same? Did he battle all his learning and come up with Evolutionism? Was he able to apply what he learned in school to get to the concept he reached? Did he believe in God? Did it affect his study? Maybe this man is smarter than I thought. Did he go to school to reinforce his hatred? Did he go to reinforce his beliefs? Did he go to reinforce his evidence? I love to get inside of people's heads. I think i am right with the first one. For as great of a scientist he is, I think he was effected by his learning. Therefore Creationism made the world, and Evolution is just the next step to that. however, maybe I only think he thinks that way, because that's kind of how i look at it. so maybe I am not getting inside his head at all, but my own.

Governmental families

You know, the differences between family structures are crazy. there are so many different kinds of families. and i dont mean the number of people, or how you are related. I mean the system, the governmental side of the family.

There are the families that are open and they will be exactly who they are around you. there is this inner sense of friendship and the ability to trust each other. This is like the ideals that America bases itself off of. The Democracy of families.

Then, there are families that try to look perfect. they have this idea that if they become the i love lucy "honey! i am home" kind of family, then all the rest of the pieces will fall into place. This is more like Communism. Everyone has a certain spot in this certain family. and protocol must be attained.

Then there are families that the parents want to be kids so there is no goverment. its easier actually to say that its an anarchy of sorts. where the children get to do whatever they want b/c they are "just kids" no matter how old they become.

It is crazy to see the differences in the families. It is easy to say some work better than others but maybe it depends on what the family is going for.

If the parents want to have a strong inner relationship within the family, Democracy works.
If the parents want to have a certain image and control, Communism works.
If the parents want life long friends, Anarchy works.

maybe this thought process can be applied to the government as well. Maybe thats a talk for another day.

cyanide

thank you she gets it.
as she puts the next glass
of cyanide to her lips

she knows that somewhere
in your broken words
and messed up home

that you meant to leave her
just. like. this.
down goes the glass

and down goes her willpower
isnt that what you wanted?
to see her crumble?

well here she is.
at the corner of north
and broadway

stumbling home
from the dark bar
--her haven

its the one place no one
will judge her
and tell her shes wrong

thats all you've
ever told her
there goes another glass

because you left her broken
you taught her
she can trust no one

and that drink is bittersweet
mixed with a roomful of hope
and a trace of death

maybe she just can't
out smart death
just this one time

as her lips begin to slur
and her head begins to pound
she knows shes over done it

just remember
she always listened to you
always tried her best

every flaw got exploited
every problem enhanced
every cripple highlighted

and in the end,
she stopped believing in herself
since you never did

the cyanide might pull her over
but she knows the truth--
you were the cause of this murder

Outlet

I guess it would make sense that my theme of the blog be electricity and I choose outlet as a title.

But thats not exactly the outlet i was referring to. 

You see, this world kind of sucks. there is always some bad guy, some problem, some oil spill, some high prices, some screwed up government, some messed up reality. Some designer hand bags and forgotten recitals. Some gambling, some drinking, some drugs. There is always something trying to make you get lost in the world of evil. 

It begs you, it messes with you. and sometimes it pulls you under.

Everyone needs an outlet. They need to find something that is worth their years of agony to hold on. They need to find something to make them find the light within themselves when the world around them seems black.

There is a calling that everyone has. And that, that is their outlet. 

I guess I wished more people knew exactly what it was like to escape. To get lost in a world where all the bills, nightmares, ex's, problems all disappear from your thoughts. its like the ability to forget the life you have completely and get lost in something you create.

For some, its dancing. For others? It is music. Others? Writing. Some More? Gossip. Some? Videogames. Others? Acting. Some? Imagination. Even more? laughter. And there are countless other powers.

That is exactly what it is like, it is your own secret superpower. It is the one thing that can make you stronger than those around you. Because it puts you in control of a world where you could easily go insane. 

I wonder just how many outlets there are. I wonder how hard it is to find yours? I wonder if the "bad people" in the world, are just the ones that lost their dreams and couldn't ever find their own outlet...

the missing piece

she wants to be your midnight walks along the hidden beach
with the mystical sunset looming out before you
the one to reach for your lonely hand
just when you thought you'd never get your perfect kiss
she wants to cause that smile.

she wants to be the one you giggle with like school girls
as you pour over old fads and broken records,
lost boyfriends and cherished memories
the one you can confide in when the rest of the world shuts you out
she wants to cause that laugh.

she wants to be one more struggling vision to you
as you sit there with the lowbeats and addicts
trying to regain your life piece by piece
but begging for just one more hit
she wants to cause your confusion.

she wants to be your enemy
the reason you shove pins into that doll
as you dream about her burning in hell
the one to make you feel your powerless
by being oh so powerful
she wants to cause your strength

she wants to be your heartbreaker
as you realize how lost you are in this world
the unrequited love that you cant live without
as you pull another box of tissues near
she wants to cause your tears

she wants to be your smartass jab and bruised ribs
the one that wrestles you to the ground
and can school you in games you spent all night powning
the one that always one up's you and brings you to your knees
she wants to cause your embarrassment

she wants to be your author
the one that you feel converts you to a whole new world
just by being another half to a thought that you never spoke
and a twinge of a feeling that you never forgot
just by giving you new remarkable encounters

she wants to be the one to bring out passion
and incomparable frusterations that you never felt
she wants to cause your every, single reaction.
she wants to be your other half
...in a world where you think you are a whole.

Some Food For Thoughts

We are creatures of perfection.
A block is a square out here.
Our houses are in tiny pristine rows.
We want to get married
-One boy, one girl
More? Hah. We might go insane.
Paved highways to the final destination
Minivans for soccer-mom's.
Sports cars for the midlife crisis dad's.
When will we realize imperfection is beautiful?
When will we see the mountains as artwork
instead of inhabitable and expandable?
another dollar in our pocket?

We are a species ruled by others.
Just like us.
But with expensive cars
and stays at cheap motels.
With a plaque of designer clothes
and a path of lost intentions.
Where fifteen minutes of fame
can create your life
and as long as you are crazy?
You are genius.
They have taken over anything
and everything we do as if muddling
our own thoughts with theirs.
They are everywhere.
On the billboards, the television
Even walking down the street.
They believe in one thing.
Every chance at a dollar bill not gained
is as bad as a murdered child.
...Actually...
 The publicity on that isn't too bad either.

I've never seen a land uninhabited.
Everything has been taken over
by the greedy and the power hungry.
Even parks are strategically placed
to capatilize on people's beliefs.
National Parks are crawling with men.
If you ask me?
Nature has never seemed natural.

The Difference Between Truth and Fiction

There are a lot of titles that our generation and even our culture seem a bit hazy on.

If you are the world's best singer and you take credit for that after its been proven time and time again. That is showing the world that you finally understand you place in it.

-That is confidence.

However, THINKING that you are the best thing that the world has ever heard when you have only practiced in your shower as Aunt Nellie tells you how remarkable you sound. That is overdoing it. That's trying to create a place in this world that you don't belong.

-That is arrogance.

But the water gets muddier the more you look into this.

Those are things you do. But what about who you are. Ah! See... there you go stumbling a bit. Some people are pretty and they "know it" and then they seem arrogant.

Others can be drop dead gorgeous and not have the slightest idea and then they are not even confident.

What about you? Who you are? Are you confident with the person you are? Or do you come off arrogant? Maybe neither one?

You can be an optimist that everything in life will go your way. Because you "willed it to" or because you "just know it" or because you "have a feeling." If you are right? Then you are confident. If you are wrong? You were arrogant.

The differences tend to be simple. One is a truth. Another a lie.

If you are pretty and can take a compliment and leave it at that. If you can look people in the eyes without feeling better then them, then you are confident.

If you can't and you feel that the whole world doesn't understand the light that shines beneath you, you are arrogant.

So the truth or the lie? We all know what we hope we use. But we always hope that what we think is the truth.

So what if it is a lie?

a few things about me and this

I have been blogging since I have been 12? Back then it was the "Well guys, today I went to school, next I hung out with _____ and like it was cool."

Eventually it turned to relationships. "So I am dating _____ and he tried to kiss me! Omg! Can you even believe it?

Then it became heartbreak and bitterness. "God I just can't believe _____ would go and do that."

Then back to happy and in love. "So there is this guy..."

I guess I realized the trend that I was in and the one I wanted to get away from.

Because in no way does it encompass the random and main thoughts that I had on a decent enough level once you weed through all the bullshit.

So that's the reason I made this. Because although at one time I needed someone, something to pour my heart into. Now I need something to pour my mind.

And I am hoping that maybe, just maybe. It will spark a thought for you, jolt a feeling you had, or ignite a passion you never knew existed.

Prison of Fire

this poem isn't about the passion of love but the passions of life. its to show that every artist is artistic in their own way and if they let their feelings consume them there is a way for them to express them in a creative way that can consume their life.

PRISON OF FIRE

i want to be a mage as i cast a spell on you
to dispell a passion from deep within you
so fierce that you have no other reaction
then to let it consume you

the flames of an ever burning ring of fire
where if you stay too far away
your bitterness becomes resentment
and your heart as cold as ice

yet somewhere deep within you
you feel this need for beaming warmth
a feeling that you cant shake off
as the icicles start to form

you feel this need for comfort
as your heart begin to ice over
ah! but there's the smoke of creativity
filling your lungs as you step closer.

if you just get close enough
your feelings start to become numb
as you melt away your insecurities
into a steam of no more

you ignite even the darkest of clouds
into a flame of bright passion
and overwhelming justice ashes
as you let your creativity take you as a heated prisoner

it absorbs the air around you
nestles within the flint of your desires
it takes its form as it flows with the winds of your beliefs
and across the angles of your being

it ignites your presence
burns up your remorse and consumes you
makes you feel at one with who you are
and what you were meant to live for

open yourself as a hostage
and feel the heat of passion.
as it locks up your cell
the passion becomes one with you